2,106 days

When I had my temporal lobectomy on 9 January 2007 Dr. Kanev told me that there would always be the possibility that I could have another seizure. I told him that I didn't care, that I just wanted the seizures to be less frequent. I wanted to have my life back. Dr. Kanev and Dr. Oh did the surgery that afternoon. They removed one portion on my left temporal lobe, but the EEG still showed some funky brain-waves. He removed another small section, and the EEG showed all normal activity. I spent 4 days at the hospital, was then moved to rehab for three weeks, and then did another six weeks of outpatient rehab. It was a long road, but a good road. I got my license back, I started working again, I got my life back. I made it through a divorce. I refinanced my house. I have all three of my wonderful children and my awesome yorkie. And then after 2,106 days of no seizure activity in my little grey cells...my brain went funky.

At least I picked a great place to have it. I was at Baystate (3300 Main Street to be exact) with Naissa, my 13 year old. We finally got her in to see someone at BMC's Behavorial Health about her medications. We had been there for about 20 minutes or so, and I know that Margaret was in the process of writing Naissa's prescriptions. The next thing I knew was that I was in an ambulance. Nia was there, holding my hand. I tried to sit up, but I couldn't. I asked "What happened? Where am I?" Naissa looked at me and said, "Mama, you went funky again."

The EMT told me that I had a seizure. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. It couldn't have happened. My brain was supposed to be fine! I couldn't have another seizure. I had beaten the odds and for almost six years my brain had been holding it's own. I had been working a third shift position for two years. I've been a single mother for three children for almost three years. Yes, I have had many ups and downs, but I think I've done a pretty darn good job, and now this.

I was in the ER for about six hours. And I was in and out of it. I was close to a clock and noticed that it was about 2:45 pm when we got there. Grammie Kathy came to get Naissa and took her home. As we didn't know how long I would be at the hospital Kathy said that she would spend the night at the house with the kids. One of my dearest friends, Heather came to be with me. I had been holding my own while I was there but when Heather came in and wrapped her arms around me I cried and cried. Heck, I'm getting teary-eyed while typing this! Heather and I have been wonderful friends for many years, and I know that she will always be there for me. Heather's mom, Karen, who is now pastor at a church that I used to attend (that's another long story) came to be with me, too.

The doctor taking care of me said that they didn't feel that I needed to be admitted, but they had scheduled an appointment with my neurologist the next day. Karen drove me home, and Heather was there. Uncle Dick came over to check on me, and so did my Aunt Carrie. I took a shower and had another good cry. When I went into my bedroom Naissa was curled up in my bed. "Mama, I'm sleeping down here tonight to keep an eye on you." She had gotten me a big travel mug of ice water; she remembered that I am always so thirsty after having a seizure. Kathy came down to make sure that I was all set in bed, and by nine pm that night I was in a deep, deep sleep.

The next day Heather took me to see Dr. House, my neurologist. And yes, this Dr. House has a much better bedside manner than the TV Dr. House. My reflexes were fine, but he upped my Keppra slightly as a precaution. Right now I am not scheduled for another EEG, but am now undergoing physical therapy for the vertigo brought on by that grand-mal seizure and a sleep study next week to see if we can figure out why I am so exhausted all the time. Dr. House does not want me working night shift anymore, and laboratory pickings in Western Mass right now are very slim. So I am taking it day by day.

Day by day is all that I can do right now. We've got 43 days left until Christmas so I am clinging to that. And I am getting stuff done around the house. I am slowly plugging through things that need to get done, but I have to pace myself or I get physically and emotionally exhausted. Kianni, Naissa and Jayden have been wonderful for me. Of course they are wonderful at being teenagers and do a spectacular job of making my hair go grey, so I treated myself and got my roots done and a nice highlight on Friday. I am wondering why this had to happen, and I am praying that this really was just a little "brain fart" and will not happen again. And I have been praying. Like seriously praying. I know that God watches over me, and that things like this do happen for a reason, but this one I have yet to figure out. So to the Man Upstairs, anytime that You want to let me in on this one, be my guest!