The Frog House, plus two!

Nick and I had now been married for almost three years. I bought a little house in West Springfield the January before we got married. We named in the "Frog House". It's a long story as to why, so just use your imagination. We did a lot of work on it; the floors, painting and wallpapering, redoing lighting, etc. We did extreme amounts of yard work, including the blueberry and strawberry patch, the vegetable garden and my flower garden. We had some funky shindigs there, especially the St. Patty's Day dinner that was really home-made pizza's, and the Toga Party which freaked out the delivery guy; have your brother that is 6 feet 5 inches jump out of a bush wearing a bright blue toga and ask the guy "Were you followed?" There are lots of great memories in that little house.

I again had the seizures under control, but I was now on three anti-convulsants. I still was not able to drive, but was still working full-time at BRL. Nick and I talked about starting a family. We both really wanted to have children, but we felt the odds were a bit against us. Nick had Type I diabetes that he was diagnosed with in elementary school, and I had my epilepsy. We spoke with my OB/GYN and neurologist about it, and I was also seen by a neurologist at Yale and by one in Boston. One major option for me was to undergo a series of tests to see if I could be an eligable candidate to have the area of my brain removed that was causing the seizures. The thought of having them cut open my head and remove a chunk of my brain scared the crap out of me. Nick and I did talk about the pros and cons of it, but neither of us felt certain about it. But we were certain that we wanted to have a family.

I'll never forget the night that we decided what we wanted to do. It was late. We were both getting ready to go to bed. I remember standing at the foot of the stairs crying about it again. Nick came up to me and put his arms around me. He looked me in the face and said, "We can have a family. Let's adopt." I asked him if he was serious. He said "Yes, I'm serious. Your aunt and uncle have adopted children, and my aunt and uncle were foster parents for tons of kids and then adopted Anna. We can do this!"
The next day the calls were made and we were signed up for a M.A.P.P. class. We took the classes, wrote the needed essays about ourselves, had the house inspected and were approved to be a foster/pre-adoptive family. We knew that we wanted to get a toddler if not a baby. Three or four months of waiting went by. Then Nick got the call.

One of the DCF case-workers, Annette called Nick at work one day. She had a little three year old named Kianni who really needed a stable home enviornment. She brought Kianni's file over to Nick and then he brought it down to me. It was convienent that we worked in the same complex but for different health care organizations. He was excited! Her picture was beautiful; she had huge brown eyes, curly black hair, little pierced ears and what a smile! She was a little bit of everything; African-American, Mexican, and American Indian. They even said that there was a bit of Portugese in her. We both felt a strong calling to her and told Annette that we would take her. When we got home from work that night we called our best friends to fill them in. That night we all went out to dinner to celebrate, and then ravaged through Toys'R'Us to pick up stuff for a three year old!

Kianni Alize came to live with us the third Thursday in March, 2001. I had put in for a FMLA and was planning on taking two months off from work. While Annette was there helping Kianni get settled in the house she told us that Kianni had a younger sister named Naissa who was living with a different foster family. Kianni had not been with her for a few months. She asked us if we would be interested in taking Naissa in as well so that she could be with her sister. We didn't even think about it. "Sure!" we both said. Shortly there after Naissa started to come for afternoon visits, then overnight visits, then weekend visits and then moved in with us permanatley on Apirl 26th, 2001. On April 28th we loaded the girls, us and my parents on a plane to fly to Florida for my brothers graduation with his Master's Degree. Remembering the looks on the girls faces as we took off was astounding!

The girls were wonderful. Yes, they came with some emotional baggage, but we were in therapy together and just took it one day at a time. We were now a happy family of four. Little did we know that in two and a half months it would become a family of five.

Butch the Sundance Car

I love driving in my car. I can't exactly call it a car; it's Dodge Grand Caravan that I named Ethel. Don't ask me why. My first car that I ever owned on my own was a candy apple red Plymouth Sundance. I named it Butch. Butch was an awesome little car. He replaced that Green Machine, a 1977 Plymouth Volare that was puke green and could sit six teenagers and have a cello, two violins, a baritone sax, a clarinet and six backpacks in the trunk and still have enough room. But I think Butch was my all time favorite. The two of us did many trips up to Maine during the summer. I think that little puppy even did a trip or two to Virginia and D.C. But he mostly went back and forth to my parents summer place in Wells, Maine. Ah-the way life should be!

Anyway, doing errands today got me thinking about how much I loved Butch and how it killed me to lose my licence for a while because of the seizures. I had been doing quite well for a while until I noticed the "auras" coming back. That's the really funky feeling I would get in my stomach right before I had a seizure. Most of the time it would stop before it went into a full blown seizure. I had been seeing my neurologist who put me through yet another EEG and had upped my Tegretol. I felt like it was getting back under control. Early May 1997 rolled around and I had been feeling tired a lot lately. I was working second shift at Baystate at the time. BRL (Baystate Reference Laboratories) had recently been born, and we were getting busier and busier with specimen drop off's coming as late as 11:30 at night and our shift was supposed to end at midnight. I had been pulling later and later nights to help get everything done, and I just couldn't seem to catch up on the sleep. My wedding was also five months away so I was extremely busy.

My Aunt Carrie had called and asked me to come over to her house for something. It was before I had to go to work and I had the time so I zipped on over. I can't even remember what it was for. I had been feeling really weird that day, almost like I did when I had mono in high school. When I was done doing whatever it was at Carrie's I remember getting back into Butch and heading home to the Frog House. Explaining why the house on LaBelle Street was called the Frog House could be a blog of it's own! I started to turn up towards the school and felt an aura starting. I knew what was happening, and it all happened so fast.

The next thing I knew a paramedic was talking to me. I was still sitting in Butch. I knew what had happened but couldn't speak. They took me over to the Baystate ER via ambulance to make sure that I was okay. After I had been there for a while and I was able to talk again I asked the nurse to call down to the lab and tell them that I wouldn't be in that night. I remember her looking at me funny, and I told her to just call down to micro and tell them. I honestly don't remember much about what happened there. I can't remember if Nick (my fiancee) came to get me or if my Aunt Carolyn did. But I know that it was Carolyn who took me down to the police station the following day. Because it was documented that a seizure caused the accident and I was a diagnosed epileptic I had my license suspended. I remember Aunt Carolyn holding on to me as I pulled it from my wallet and handed it over to the police officer. I cried the whole way over to Springfield to get a state ID. Why I bothered I don't know as I really couldn't drink alcohol while on the anti-seizure medications anyway.

I had to undergo another round of EEG testing. I remember actually having a seizure while having it done and the tech was so excited about that. My Tegretol level was increased and I was also put on a second anti-convulsant. I know that I couldn't drive for about two years after that and had to depend on so many people to be able to get to and from work. And trying to get a ride home at midnight really sucks. So I started looking for a day position got one at BRL in client services which I started in July 1998. It was nice to finally be on the same schedule as my now husband who was able to drop me off in the morning on his way to the office and pick me up at night.We were able to spend time together and enjoy it and each other.

Then came the discussion about having children.

My Educational Desires

It's amazing what I can do at 3:42 in the morning! Now that I work third shift my brain works well in the wee hours of the morning. Of course, my penmanship is absolutely horrid, so it will be extremely interesting when I try to decipher this during normal business hours!

Since I was a sophomore in high school I wanted to work in a hospital laboratory. At that time I was taking major history and English/literature classes as I was certain I would either be a teacher or go to law school. I wasn't taking the advanced biology as knowing weird things about your digestive tract wouldn't help you pass your bar exam. One day during biology class we had to go down to the library to hear a shindig on hospital and medical professions that were seeing a decrease in employment and needed people to major on these professions in college. We heard from a doctor, nurse, respiratory tech and an X-ray tech. Then we heard from the Senior Laboratory Technician from Franklin Memorial Hospital.

She spoke of what a laboratorian does; performing analytical testing on blood, working up microbiology cultures, reading cell blood count slides and typing and cross-matching blood. What started racing through my mind was "Geez, these would be the people that test my blood when I have it drawn every six months." Because of the anti-seizure medication that I was on for the epilepsy I had to have my CBC, hemoglobin and liver panel checked regularly. I wondered how this was all done?

I spoke to the Senior Tech after class and explained how interested I was. With it being just before February vacation, she invited me to come and spend a day with her in each department and see what it all entailed. I was ecstatic! My parents okayed that, so I spent school vacation in a lab coat. I spent a day in hematology, chemistry, microbiology and blood bank. Everything about it was interesting to me and made me want to learn more. I knew that I wanted to learn how to run the analyzers, how to read cultures and identify bacteria and perform susceptibilities. I wanted to learn how to look at a slide and tell the difference between white blood cells and what the morphology of red blood cells could help diagnose. I wanted to learn how to type and screen a patient and cross match a unit of blood for transfusion. I wanted to learn more and more. I had found my calling!

The Monday after vacation I went into my guidance counselor and told him that I needed to change my courses for my junior year. I knew that I needed to step up on my math and science courses. I plowed through chemistry and pre-analytical statistics. My senior year I took physics and anatomy and physiology. I knew where I wanted to go to college. My primary choice was Springfield College. I was accepted there but for some reason I couldn't get enough monetary help to go. So I got into Springfield Technical Community College and was a part of the two year Medical Laboratory Technician program. I did my seven month internship at Baystate Medical Center in Springfield, Massachusetts and thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent in microbiology and blood bank. I took my American Society of Clinical Pathology boards in August and passed. I was also lucky enough to get a part-time second shift position at Baystate that October. That position turned into a full-time position about a year later.

When I started at Baystate in October 1993 I worked in microbiology. It's going to sound crazy, but I love bacteria. Those cute little microscopic wonders that have the capability of having a massive party somewhere in your body and causing you massive displeasure. On second shift we did most of the processing; getting those little guys on a plate of nutrients that make bacteria happy so they set up shop there. We also did many other tests and procedures that would mean Greek to many people if I listed them all off.

I seemed to be in my own little happy place. I got my own apartment which I shared with my bestest friend ever! I had a wonderful group of friends and enjoyed playing by my "Two Week Rule." I went and did things and met people, including the man that I would marry a few years later. Everything seemed to be going perfectly well and normal...until May 1997.

The Mosquito With Christmas Lights

My guess is that anyone who is following my little adventure is going "What does she mean my a mosquito with Christmas lights"? That's a very good question. But to this day I swear that is what I saw.

I was in my sophomore year at Mt. Blue. My seizures had been under control. The Tegretol had been doing it's job, and after being on it for about five years with no other outbreaks and my EEG's looking good my neurologist decided to wean me off of the medication. I still had to check in with him once a year, but things were looking up. I really thought that what my mom had told me was true and this was something that I would grow out of.

My best friend, Steph and I were out on a Friday night with her mom. We did our weekly trek to Mr. Paperback, the local bookstore so that we could drool over the New Kids on the Block in all of the teen magazines. Geez, I can't believe I just publicly admitted that! But anyway, Stephi and I were meandering through the store and if I remember correctly we were over looking at the cards. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I could see this teeny little thing floating near the corner of my left eye. It was small, and flashing with all different colors. I remember thinking, "Wow! That looks like a little mosquito flying around wearing Christmas lights." Then the really funky empty feeling started in my stomach and I knew what was happening. I tried to say something, but couldn't. I don't remember anything after that.

Steph saw me go down; I apparently took out a whole bookshelf when I collapsed. It was the grand-mal seizures again, so I started convulsing. I did a pretty good job of freaking out Steph and her Mom. They called for an ambulance; thank God we were about a block from the hospital. Steph went to try and call my parents. Remember, this was pre-cell phones and she had to use a public phone and have the operator break in on the conversation that my brother was having with a friend so that Steph could tell my mother that I had gone funky again.

I don't remember too much about being at the hospital, except for the fact that I didn't realize that I was yelling at my mom when I thought I was just talking. I remember the person in the next bed telling me to "shut up." I guess my brain simply wasn't working right yet. I honestly can't remember how long I was there in the hospital. But I do remember waking up at home and looking at my face in the bathroom mirror and going "Oh my God!" My seizure had been so severe that I had popped the capillaries in my skin so my face was covered in little purple spots. I was started right again on the Tegretol; 200 mg tablets, one three times a day. I had to undergo the EEG again for testing. I hated those as they made you hyperventilate yourself to see how your brain functioned when your body was under distress. Yes, making yourself hyperventilate does majorly put your body under distress. I remember being in tears every time I had to have one of those. My parents had to keep a close eye on me for the next few month to make sure that I didn't "go funky" again. And once again, they seemed to be under control. Plus the fact that about two months after that I was diagnosed with mononucleosis and slept a lot. That really helped as well.

I remember being really bummed for a while as it sunk in that this probably wasn't going to be like what my other family members had gone through. This was something that I was going to have to learn to live with and deal with. I know that at the time I was really concerned about being able to get my drivers license. I had already done the required courses and gotten my learners permit. After  six months had gone by with no further seizure activity I was able to get a letter from my neurologist stating that I was okay to operate machinery. When I took the test the driver didn't let me pass because of the letter and I remember my dad had a small farm animal when that happened.  Then the first day of my junior year at Mt. Blue I got to retake the test and passed it with flying colors. Once again, I thought things were getting under control and I would get my life back in order. What could be any worse than what had already happened?

I don't think that there is enough paper in the world for me to list every other funky thing that was going to happen to me and to my family.

I've always loved the winter. I pretty much grew up in the state of Maine, and there you see alot of snow. Any Maine-ah's will know I'm not kidding. Some winters you got whammed with it, some were not as bad. But there was always snow. After I graduated from Mt. Blue High School in Farmington, Maine (Go Cougars!) I went to college in Springfield, Massachusetts. I ended up getting a position right after I graduated, so I stayed down here. You don't get as much down here in the Pioneer Valley. This year we had the Halloween Blizzard which dumped 14 inches of wet, heavy snow that put us without power for a week, and then we got another six-incher on February 29th. It was a wacky winter. In fact, I don't think you can logically call it a winter.

Anyway, with not having much snow this year and now that the clocks have sprung ahead I have found my brain doing a lot more thinking. That's probably because it's lighter later and my mind won't slow down as early as it did when it was dark by 4:30 in the afternoon. We have a park right behind our house and you can see and hear all the kids playing. It's refreshing to listen to. But it also makes me think more. And so much has happened to me the last five years that my brain won't stop regressing into it all. Actually, I can't say that it has just been the last five years, but the last 31 years.

My family and I lived in Bucksport, Maine at the time. My father was a pastor for the United Methodist Church, so we hopped around. I was eight years old and in third grade. I remember that it was April vacation and my Aunt Carolyn and cousin Joey were up visiting. Dad was down at the church, and the rest of us were at home. I remember going upstairs and getting in my jammies so that Joey, my brother Jonathan and I would watch the Magic of Disney that was on Sunday nights. I remember vividly what cartoon was on; the one where Mickey, Goofy and Donald Duck load up their car and attach at camper to it to go camping. I remember that they were driving around a really steep corner, and the car was on two wheels. All of a sudden I felt a really weird feeling in my stomach. I remember trying to say something, but it didn't come out. After that I don't know what happened.

I had apparently started having Grand-Mal seizures. I apparently had a lot of them. The ambulance was called, and it took thirty minutes to get me to the nearest hospital. From what I remember my parents telling me I underwent a slew of testing, including a spinal tap. My mother was concerned when they asked permission to do that and asked what they would find. The doctor told her "Mrs. Zarecki, you don't want us to find anything."  After all of the testing they told my parents that I had epilepsy. Basically what happens when one has a seizure your neurons get stuck in the "on" position and your brain basically overloads. I'm not sure how long I spent in the hospital. I don't remember much of it at all.

I know that when I finally got home everyone was walking on eggs. Until they were able to figure out which anti-convulsent was best for me it was a rocky road. One medicine made me break out like a strawberry. Another made me have such anger fits that my mother would have to literally hold me down so I wouldn't hurt myself or my brother. They finally got me on Tegretol, which my body handled well. The seizures seemed to be under control.

In talking to my mother about how I was scared about the seizures, I found that she had mild seizures when she was a teenager, but grew out of them. If I remember correctly, she said the same thing had happened to my Nana, her mother. So I was optimistic that the same would happen for me.

Was I ever wrong.

Next: The Mosquito With Christmas Lights.